Choose

So last nice I realized I could choose the cards that life has dealth me. Instead of resisting it. Instead of pushing it away. And it was very freeing. To choose to have mom’s death and meeting J at the same time. To choose all of it.  It’s a tool I had forgotten and the [...]

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Focus

Anger flares up.  Don’t know if it’s the nature of this day . Or just the nature of things. Don’t know. Still feeling it though. Hesitation. Frustration. Pain. Sadness. Feeling that my life doesn’t matter and yet feeling at the same time that it is the most enriching, the most wonderful thing to [...]

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Pain

I am a little bit amazed everytime I actually sit down and do these.  It never sounds good. But if we did things on the basis that they feel good, I guess we wouldn’t make much art, would we. There is always something better to do in this culture then make art. Always something better [...]

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Morning becomes Electra

Saturday… it’s going to be 86 today.. I hope we can manage to keep the apartment cool.  Slept like hell again. Like the feeling of being asleep and yet watching yourself sleep at the same time. Can’t remember dreams . Don’t know if I had any. Woke up with a headaches. I’ve been [...]

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Never Enough

Regina Spektor makes me happy. Her new album is just so so good. It’s just so … accomplished and so her. Everything song surprises me and moves me in different ways. It’s a rich landscape. She also sings in Russian and it’s beautiful. Outer than that I am feeling pretty bleh. I can’t remember falling [...]

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